Alanis Concert

I sit here, on a post-Alanis Morissette-concert high! I spent the day singing all her songs that got me through the tough times. Letting her voice sooth my never-ending, quasi-pessimistic, quasi-irrational thoughts. Feeling free, finally, like it was the first time, albeit, all over again.

Alanis has to be my favorite artist, ever. Sure, there have been others who have moved me, but through her music, Alanis has touched a part of me that nothing else ever had. As if through her music, she became my spiritual adviser. Like the time I learned to shed the stereotypes I once held as truth, or the time I was finally able to encapsulate the anger and rage I had for my father, for not being a father.

Each time I go to an Alanis concert, I tell myself, “this time, it’ll be different”. That I will take the inspiration and do something with it, like move to California, just to start anew. Just for the hell of it. Just to free myself, of my Jersey comfort zone.

Until that time comes to pass, I’ve let her music move me to dream about leaving my comfort zone. Like a fluttering butterfly, here’s my attempt to flap my wings:

“The Hill Sitting Below the Sun”

Off

Journeying

On a road

Leading to a castle

On a hill

Sitting below the sun

And behind a tree.

Running to the moment

That is my tomorrow,

Fleeing the morbid monotony

Of my present,

Dodging the acidic downpour

Of my today.

Running to the moment

Racing never-ending thoughts

Of my past.

Running to the moment

Forgiving myself for the myriad of excuses,

Of my yesterday.

Must I hate myself

And my thoughts

Bringing me back to this place?

Where each breath I take

Is planned

And each singular moment in time

Is contrived

And each opportunity

Is already lost.

Where I am the black sheep

In a field of cottony-plush lambs,

Obeying orders,

Blindlessly,

Giving into the command of the supposed shepherd,

Cowardlessly

 Anguishing not, over the skinning ahead,

Foolishly.

Trapped,

And without dreams to free them.

Lost,

And without souls to guide them.

Journeying,

On that road, to the castle,

On the hill, sitting below the sun.

Leaving everything behind.

Running to the moment,

Ready to create new realities

Where sunsets are adored,

And the hills lead to the heavens,

And the toasty castle warms the spirit.

Leaping into the winds,

With no safety net to catch my fall.

Transforming myself,

Into a version they’ll no longer recognize,

Into a version I’ve only dreamt of becoming,

Artistic and active,

Spontaneous and sensual,

Like the fluttering butterfly,

Tattooed on my wife’s back.